i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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