Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ttyl tear gas
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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