Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
