I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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