I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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