my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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