Can Purell be used as lube?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize