it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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