When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize