I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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