i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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