I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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