He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
