I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
