Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just gift wrapped bread.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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