I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
