You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
