Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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