When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
