i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
