Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
