He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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