hotel room ftw
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
