You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize