He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
