Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
