Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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