you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
