It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
