I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She bit a glass in half.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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