It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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