Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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