im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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