First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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