Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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