Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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