i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
