Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
