I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
