u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My balls are so social today.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
