THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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