all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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