guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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