JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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