3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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