I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
