I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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