things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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