dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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