Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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