its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
