Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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