I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
no, he came in my armpit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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