you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
