Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
