The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
