I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize