I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
