no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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