I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
