As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
