you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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