you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
