You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize