I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
