you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't turn off my feet"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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